A Message from our Early Childhood Director…

A Message from our Early Childhood Director Kira: Breaking Through – How to Rescue Childhood and Heal the Parent-Child Relationship

Further Insights from the Vital Years Conference 2026: Mary Willow and Breaking Through – How to Rescue Childhood and Heal the Parent-Child Relationship

For those who may not be familiar with Steiner Early Childhood Australia (SECA), they are the national body supporting Steiner early childhood education in Australia and provide a range of valuable resources for educators and families. More information can be found at: https://steinerearlychildhoodaustralia.org/

Following on from my previous message regarding the Vital Years Conference, hosted by SECA in July this year, I was also privileged to attend four workshop sessions presented by Mary Willow, which coincided with the release of her new book, Breaking Through – How to Rescue Childhood and Heal the Parent-Child Relationship.

Mary has worked with children and families for over 20 years and, after taking a short break from her practice last year, has brought her insights and experiences together in this newly published book. Her aim was to make her work accessible to a wider audience and provide practical guidance that could reach beyond those who may already be familiar with Steiner education.

Attending Mary's workshops was a truly profound experience for me, both as an educator and as a parent. Her description of the "Defensive Child" and the "True Child" was both insightful and thought-provoking.

Mary described what she sees as a significant challenge facing modern families. Many parents today were raised within punitive parenting environments and have understandably rejected those methods. In doing so, however, a "no harm, no matter what" approach to parenting has often swung towards permissiveness. A key theme of her work is that neither punitive nor permissive parenting meets the developmental needs of the child. Instead, both can reinforce what she terms the "defensive brain", distancing children from their authentic or "true" selves.

Mary explains that we all need a defensive brain. Its role is important and necessary; however, it should be in the passenger seat, not driving the car. One of the most beautiful analogies she shared was the hope that by adulthood a person's defensive brain is like a gallant steed, ready to carry them into the world and spring into action when needed but guided by a strong and capable rider holding the reins. In this image, the defensive brain remains an important companion, but it is no longer leading the way. Instead, it is directed by the person's authentic or "true child".

With a strong background in Steiner pedagogy and anthroposophy, Mary also made a conscious decision to write this book using what she referred to as “street talk”. This makes her ideas approachable for families who may be new to Steiner education or who may not have direct access to Steiner communities, while still offering meaningful guidance and practical strategies for supporting children and strengthening parent-child relationships.

As both an educator and a parent, I found Mary's presentations inspiring, challenging and affirming. The workshops provided much food for thought and practical reflections on how we can better support children to develop resilience, self-awareness and a strong connection to their authentic selves. I look forward to exploring her work further and reflecting on how these ideas can continue to inform our work with children and families in our community.

Kira Du Plessis

Director of Early Childhood